2005-12-07 - 11:25 a.m.
So, I was talking to one of my friends today about the upcoming and very scary (to me) situation. He gave me a lot to think about as far as why I keep being so hung up on someone I should not be hung up on. Yes, I found myself with him, he inspires me, he challanges me, he seems to make everything in the world worth it, and most importantly I found out who I am because of him, but my down fall has been I have felt so lost and so not me without him. If that makes any sense at all.
The things is I have a fear of letting go. I think that might be a very truthful statement. I am scared to let go and most of all I don't know how to let go, or maybe I have just never been ready to let go. My friend told me that I have to stop living in the past and move on with the future. He pointed out to me that I have done a lot of things on my own without him and I am great just the way I am... I just need to figure out how to let go and to get over all the hang ups I have about being me... on my own...
I basically need to flip the table, and I know just how to do it :D Thanks to my friend... I think I might be just fine... or atleast for tonight I feel as though I will... I am sure I will backslide by tomorrow... lol... I never can keep myself up to long now adays, but that is something I am going to figure and work out in this journal. I need to re-discover myself, who I was with him, and learn to be that person without him, because I have to face the facts... the past is just that... the past and I will never have him or that back again (the hardest part about letting go is realizing that there is no hope, but maybe I have held on to that hope for to long)... So, I am walking the path less traveled... I am going to re-discover who I am and re-define that person to fit my life right now... This is my goal...
It is so unhealthy to be pinning away over a lost love you will never be able to have again. I know this in my head... I just wish my heart would follow suit for once in its pathetic life... Sigh...
Well, good night one and all... Sleep well and sweet dreams it is time for me to retire to my bed and ponder who I am without him...
~Velvet Tearz~
What I am listening too or watching at the moment...Call my name by Prince