2005-12-10 - 2:12 a.m.
Hiya! So, it is like way early in the morning like 2:34 am and I just want to die... I was watching a movie on the laptop and fell asleep waiting for him to come back and talk to me... I am so freaking addicted to him it is not funny... I wish I could change the fact that I love him but I can't... trust me I have tried... I can't deny it anymore... No matter who it hurts... not that I am out to hurt anyone cause I am not... That is the last thing I want to do but I feel that I need to for once in my life be honest...
I have spent 6 years running and hiding from my feelings... Suffering in silence, hurting those around me and those who love me... but no longer can I play this game... no longer can I lie to myself and everyone around me ... Yes... I love him... I might always love him... I have ran from it for to long... It is time to face it and to be honest about it...
The problem is that we both spend so much time thinking about each other and I know we both do... we both know that our love for each other is stronger then ever... and we both don't want to admit it because we don't want to hurt anyone... but sometimes we have to stop thinking of others and think of ourselves... I can only hope that those who love me understand this... I can't believe that we spend so much time running from our love... think about this... for a moment... it has been 6 years and our love has not faded in a bit... you know this, I know this, so why do we fight it? Not to hurt those we have become involved with? What about us? Are we doomed to this life of pain because we can not come to terms with the fact that we love each other and we always will.
I wish there could, would be a end to this torture for the both of us... and that we could move forward with our lives as they are but the truth of the matter is there is no moving forward until we both can sit down and admit it... until we talk it out... and I will damn sure make it happen during x-mas when he is down here...
There is no denying the connection between us... There is no denying the love between us... We can not be near each other without it showing... it is written on our faces in our hearts... It is what we are... Yet, it is what we try so hard not to admit... Though we both know it is true in our hearts... When we said "I love you" it was not lightly and not without meaning... it was fully with our hearts and our souls... we made a promise to each other that day... we made a commintment to love each other forever... that will never change...
I know now without a doubt the Daniel will always be my first love... he will always have the best part of me with him... I have tried as hard as I can to love another the way I love him... but I have failed... I can not get over the feelings I feel... the truth in my heart...
Please, let me go if you can honestly say you do not love me any longer... give me my freedom... why can I not stop loving you...
I must go now for my own sanity... sorry...
Love
~Velvet Tearz~
ps. I am so sorry I missed him tonight for I know I will not talk to him for many nights to come because it is the weekend and he never talks to me on the weekends...
0 thoughts left so far My mood right now...
What I am listening too or watching at the moment...What else but Miss Me Baby by Chris Cagle.. this is begining to be my theme song lol