Just so you all know I am not lying....
2006-01-29 - 11:35 p.m.

I figured just so you all know that I am not lying about all of this I would post one of Daniels emails in here that he sent me after he went back to hawaii after x-mas when he sent me all of Tylers pics from the trip... so here is is... and no I am not worried about Daniel or Brenda getting in here because all of there addies have been block from my diary :D

From : Amor Et Mort
Sent : Thursday, January 5, 2006 10:57 PM
To : [email protected]
Subject : Pics and thoughts

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Well, the reason I asked you is because I am so very busy recently. But I'm glad you did. I'm going to attach some pics, but they are pretty big. Tyler is so adorable, though. It's been great. I really miss him.
So here I go with my reply to your email:

Things haven't been going so well, to be honest. I'm still in charge of S-1, and now my boss is transferring to Brigade. I'm going to the board in February, and with the CIP coming up, haven't had time to study. Me and Brenda have been delving deeper into our problems, and I have explained alot about the problems I have, and the problems she has with me. I honestly don't see it going anywhere, either. We are just too different. Also, I haven't had a chance to get back into learning Greek, either. And now you have a different schedule. So things are just below crappy:)
I don't want you to beg, or plead. I want you to understand (you've always been good at that). It is not that easy of a decision, and this is why: I am selfish. I have realized this in my discussions with Brenda. For the majority of the time (when left ot my own devices), I think about me, not me and others. So I don't think I can love anyone like they need to be loved. Maybe I should be alone, too. A fitting punishment for the pain I have inflicted on so many. Being with you was the best time I have had in forever, because I felt like myself.
Another thing: what I feel guilty about is not us, not being with you or being happier with you. What I feel guilty about is you not being with Randy, especially when you said that you are his Daniel. That is huge! That staggered me with it's importance. Not because he loves you, but because he loves you like you love me, without recourse or requition. And the more I think about it, that is how you deserve to be loved. And that really hurts me, because I don't think I can even feel like that anymore. I love you to death, you know that. And I know you love me the same. I mean, six years and it's still the same with us. That speaks volumes to our feelings and the depth of our love, but if he thinks about you all the time, and longs for you, and stays with you when you are with someone else simply because it's you and that presence you exude, what can I offer that even comes close? I think about you every day, but not all the time. Truthfully, work is first and foremost the majority of the time. Drives friends and family insane, and that's another reason I feel selfish. How can I dedicate myself like I was before if my priority is career?
I have no regrets but that one, because I did feel alive, and happy, and understood. I felt like I used to...
I feel like the indifferent guy in prison whose girlfriend is holding out for him, but has a guy friend who is rich, handsome, and treats her like gold.
And Randy's out saving lives. He's a hero, and I'm just trying to get by...
I don't know, Missy, I really don't. I feel like my heart is scarred and my ability to empathize is fading. Like my feelings are ghosts momentarily resurrected just to see what the world was like, then kicked back to purgatory (to use a Catholic allegory).
There is little doubt in my mind that I should not be with Brenda. But there is doubt as well that I should be with you, when I don't feel like I can be what you already have. What is best for you, honestly? What do you think would be the best situation, and how far is it away? How do you see things working?
I am so lost right now. I feel like the 19 year old kid I was before I met you. Lost in the sauce...
Please don't read too much into this, I am trying to explain why this is so very difficult for me. What good would I be to go through everything to get back with you, just to have you fall away because of work? Especially when I go to Greece, that is a time and a half job. And all the schools I have to go to just exacerbate the situation. I really gotta go, I gotta do my Class As, pack my ruck, and write up another counseling before I go pick up Brenda at 1000. SO MUCH TO DO!!!
Peace and Love Forever,
Daniel

and just to prove I am not lying I will post one more... hold on let me go to my email and find it... give me a second... cause I want you all to know that this things I am saying and why I am saying them... I have tons of emails in which he tells me he loves me and will always love me... and all of the sudden he does not love me... I feel like such a fool but I don't want you all to think I am making this all up.... okay brb...

Here ya go:

From : Amor Et Mort
Sent : Wednesday, December 28, 2005 11:19 PM
To : [email protected]
Subject : The mother of all letters, sheesh:)

| | | Family | Inbox


Missy-
Wow, that was a hell of a letter. I know I have alot to think about, but I wanted to write and address some stuff. And I want to thank you for writing it, too. Honestly, it was the singularly most beautiful letter I have ever received. I was so happy when I read it, you have no idea. Reading those words meant so much to me, and I really appreciate it.
That having been said, here I go with some thoughts.

Hiya,

You know I thought I was better on the sleep thing yesterday morning cause I felt great when I woke up lol but a few hours later it caught up with me lol... and I took naps all day yesterday and then took the kiddos to the park and we had a little picnic out there... It was nice... Then last night Randy and I watched Land of the Dead cause I was wide awake lol... I think my sleep pattern is off a bit now too... I need to get it back into the swing of things before I go back to school.
You know what lol... his people were gone before I got back from taking you to the airport. Opsie no time hanging out with Randy for them. I feel pretty bad about it to tell the truth, but I guess what is done is done huh? Randy wasn't mad about so I guess it is okay.


Sorry about that, my fault:)


I really did enjoy our time together and I am very glad you came down here. All the way home I thought about a lot of things and figured out a lot of things about myself that I thought I had lost when I lost you. I guess when I lost you there were so many things that I figured I could not do without you being with me, things I felt guilty about and refused to allow myself to enjoy. I think by you coming here and us talking that I have realized that I am allowed to enjoy those things without you, even though everything is that much better with you in my life. It just seemed like on the way home, the clouds were as beautiful as I have ever seen them, the air fresher then I have ever breathed, the scenery more alive, everything just took on such a new meaning for me. I just feel like I am not as tragic as I
thought I once was because you are no longer with me. I have been holding on to you for so long but I have been wallowing in all the wrong choices I have made and that has made me live my life like a zombie just breathing my next breathe hoping that one day you will love me and want to be with me and come back to me.
I guess I am thinking with the way we have talked while you were here that is most likely not going to happen. I really don't know how you feel about us? I mean yes I know you love me but Do you want there to be a us again? Do you want me to move on with my life or do you want me to wait until you can straighten yours out? Are you going to striaghten yours out or did you find that you really are happy being married to Brenda?
I guess there are so many questions still left to be answered, but I also feel like I need to know where I stand in all of this...because for once in my life I feel like it is time for me to make a choice. I feel like this is the time for us to make a choice. Do we choice each other or do we choice to let go (in a way) of each other. I have come to terms with the fact that I will always love you Daniel. I have also come to realize that it is okay to always love you, but I have also figured out that loving some else is okay too and that by doing that I am not cheating on you. Everything I have done for the last 6 years I have done because I felt like I was cheating on you, like I should not be happy with anyone because it would be wrong of me to be happy with anyone but you.

See, that was what I was trying to explain, too! You have changed your perspective! That is what I feel you deserve, to know how great you are without having to think about all the negative stuff that's happened. And it's okay to love and be loved. And you know I will always love you as well. That has never been in question, and never will be. I have told anyone who cares that, to include Brenda.

I have sat around and felt bad about everything I have done and the few people I have been with since you (which would be like Randy and Duqwan) I mean yeah I have gone out with other guys but I have never been with them. I have been such a negitive person since you left and I realize that it is not me. Not really. I use to be a positive person. I use to believe in us. I did all the way up until Tyler was born and maybe for a little while after that. I did nothing but believe in our love and that it would bring us back together. I just knew it in my heart that we are meant for each other.

And you should be that way again:)

You want to know the reason I ended up getting with Randy when I did? The real honest reason? I guess I missed you so much and loved you even more that I figured if you thought I was going to be with someone else that you would kick your ass into gear and stop it. I guess I did it to find out what I really meant to you. I wanted you to make the big gesture, to do something, to do anything. I had been holding onto you so long without much hope coming from your side of the us that I needed the reassurance that you still loved me as much as you did when we were together. The worst part of it all is that I thought if you really loved me that you would atleast attempt to keep me from being with him. Boy was I wrong :(

I know that if you would have told me about Brenda before you were married which you didn't I would have had plenty to say. Maybe that is why you didn't tell me because you wanted to hurt me as much as I hurt you.

I can sincerely say that I have never done anything to hurt you intentionally.

A little secret it worked really well. I will tell you this if I had known you would not have married her. I would have flied my happy ass to Hawaii so fast your head would have been swimming, and that would have been that. Those divorce paper would have been final in a month and we would be married right now and together. That is how it would have played out. Seriously. Which I know is wrong in so many ways but I didn't love Randy I used him to get to you only it backfired on me. Which I admit was a stupid act on my part but I was getting desparate and you were not responding :(

The only thing that kept me with Randy so long is that I did not want to hurt him. Just like you don't want to hurt Brenda so I can completely understand where you are coming from because we are so much alike. There will be a time though when you finally realize as I have that you are not happy with her and that it is better to end it then live a lie. You live more of a lie then I do though because Randy has always known that I love you. He has always known that he was being used from the beginning but he says I am his Daniel. I am to him what you are to me. How jacked up is that? He says he does not care if he loses me one day only that he has what time he can with me. Which in a way is horrible because someone loves me as much as I love you. I can only imagine how much he hurts inside. I know I hurt every day knowing you are with someone else. I suppose he hurts knowing I am just sitting around waiting for you to come to your senses and for us to finally be together.


Kind of puts everything in perspective, doesn't it? I feel kind of bad, but I still don't think that gives him license for what he did. But it was partly me, too...

Which is why him and I live the way we do because I feel like I hurt him to much and this way is better though really it is not, becuase over time I have come to love him in a way just not in the way I love you. I know you can understand this as I am sure it is the same you feel about Brenda.

Like you dread hurting him, but you know it happens and is going to happen?

There does come a time though when you finally think is this going to be the way my life will always be... me loving someone who is married and torturing myself everyday of my life because of it, and you realize you really are tired of it and that you are not even living at all. You realize that there is only two options win the one you love back or let him go and love another. Those become the only two options you have. Those become the only two ways that you can finally see yourself living again. I have gotten to that point. I am at the point where it is all or nothing. I either get you back or I go on with my life and live again. I mean really live.

I am almost 31 years old now and it is time for me to figure out which one of these I am to do in order to put my life back together and I need to put my life back together. I started with going to college to fulfill my long dream of becoming something worth anything for myself. Now I am figuring out what I like and I am going to do what I want to do finally. It is my turn. I know that might be selfish but sometimes in order to be happy we have to be a little selfish. I mean to be really happy not just pretend happy.

and truthfully, noone deserves it more. Seriously, you are such a great person, but you have received all these hard knocks. You not only should be happy, you need to be happy. Don't think of it as selfish, it is what you have coming to you. And I sincerely mean that, no matter what the outcome.

In the long run this is all going to be worth it for me... either way it works out because now it is your choice not mine... you already know that I want to be with you and you need to know what you really want and if I am not it then that gives me the chance to let you go (though not stop loving you) and move on. Another thing talk is truely cheap. They really meant that when they say it. I am not going to sit around another 6 years being strung along with all of this mess. I need to know one way or another. Which I know sucks for me to be telling you all of this but really it is time for me to do this and it is time for me to be told what you want.

I know you have a lot going on with your career. I have realized that you place that before all else in your life and that is good for you. I wish I would have done that too and I would not be in this mess I am in now.. lol... that I think is what my grandfather meant about me letting myself get side tracked because I am a sucker for love and you know that :P lol... I am glad for you to get this chance to go to Greece it as amazing for you :D Just so you know that I do support you in that 100%. It is a amazing thing to be able to do and you should no matter what do that :D Just so you know in my eyes Greece is not a problem between us. You have to remember I have been in the military for 10 years and I have been a military wife for what 4 years, I know the military and I know what is what when it comes right down to it.

I am not sure what you want but you should really think about it... I sometimes think it is better for me just to let you go. I do love you and I want nothing but the best for you. I know in my heart that you are going to stick with Brenda until you drive her away. Hard job to drive someone away expecially a women. I hate to tell you that you are going to have your hands full because us women we will stick things out even when we dont want to and we are misrible. Trust me I know... look at me... When we are young our heads are full of notitions and it takes until we get alittle older for us to see that sometimes it can be about us and what we really want too. It took me until I was 30 to figure it out. Now, I do for everyone else yes, but I also do for me... and the things I want and need to be happy I make sure I do them because if I am not happy how can anyone else be happy? If I mope around feeling unhappy all the time what is that doing to my kids and the people around me? No wonder I don't have any friends lol I have been to depressed to really hang out with anyone or do anything with anyone... I never do anything but sit around and mope and trust me I have the free time... I really have all the freetime I want but I stay locked up here in the house moping because I can not see the beauty in things for the negitivity in my brain...

It really is time to become who I really am, the person you showed me I am, I don't want to waste my life away with regrets and pain, I had so much of that when I was younger and then I met you and you changed all of that. Then I lost you and it all came back to me :( I have been a empty shell of a person for way to long letting all my pain and regrets run my life... seeing you again gave me back who I was, it reminded me that I was happy once... It reminded me that I am not a sad, empty person... I have dreams, goals, I use to love to do things, I use to be full of life and happy and I would take in the beauty around me, and I would have fun.... OMG there is a something I have forgotten how to feel... FUN... you know laugh, be silly... wow.. I think I need to go do a bit of that :D

You have made me the happiest I have been in a long, long time just by letting me know I was a part of that:) I am still happy from reading it this morning:)

Honestly, you gave me back a lot with your trip down here... This time I have no regrets... this time I have told you what I want and I did what I wanted to do (though I know it could have been so much better but under the circumstances it was really great)...

would have been better with more time...

You know that I love you, you know that all those feelings are still there just as I know they are... we both know how it feels to be together again and what it is like to bask in the glory of that undying love... I have no regrets every moment spent with you was amazing... I was alive again... for the first time in years... I really was happy... you know that all you would have to do is say the word and I would do what it takes to figure it all out so that we can be together... but the ball is in your court and the time is ticking... I need to know what you want... do you want to make it work with Brenda or do you want to be with
me? This is your decission and I know it is a hard one but it should also be the easiest one for you to make... Look into your heart and tell me Daniel what do you want?

Don't think I will be upset if you choice Brenda because Daniel I won't... I already feel like you are going to choice her anyways because you are not to the point in your relationship that you are willing to hurt her because you do love her too. Only you love her in a different way, but who knows Daniel with a little more effort maybe you could love her like you do me...

i could never reach that level with anyone else, you know that.

Did you cry when you and I parted?

i did...

Did you really miss me?

from the time i turned the corner.

How did you feel when you got back to her arms?

happy to be back on time

Did it feel right?

not even close to the way we clicked from the airport on:)

Where you happy to see her?

i was

Were you glad to be home?

yes

Did you all make love?

yes

Did it feel better to be with her then me?

it was missing something. maybe that gasp, maybe that spark, that connection?

Did you have a new profound outlook on your relationship?

not more profound than the outlook I was talking to you about in the van

Do you think it could work out between the two of you?

It would require a drastic change on one of our parts, and I've never been that good at changing

To be honest with you... I thought about these type of things all the way home... I know I love you with all of my heart and soul, but I think I can come to terms with things if you just tell me the truth. If you want us to be friends I can handle that... you gave me the strength I have needed to find for so long... If I have to let you go I can... I can let you go now and go on with my life and us be friends...

Win or lose, I will always count you as my best friend, my most trusted advisor, and always something more (thanks to Dec 16th )

even though I am not so sure it will be that way if we see each other again... It will all be the same I will slip back into being yours again with it seeming like there was no time passed between us.... that will always be how it is between us... this I can accept but I can not go through life not living it anymore... I can not sit around regretting everything from our past... There has been so much regret from things I have said, things I have done, things I have not said and things I have not done that it is time to let it all go.... there is no more regrets where you and I are concerned... I see the blame as equal and I see it as we both made our mistakes...

thank you, that's what I've been trying to tell you! We both have made errs in judgement and ignored our hearts for so long...

now we have the choice be together like we should be or go our separate roads and take with us all the sweet memories of the past and move forward knowning that we both have made that choice... I know now that I can go on without you even though I really do not want too, but with one little thing would I be able to accomplish this... if we can remain friends and remain in touch... I can go on not being with you and I am sure one day I can find a measure of happiness but I still need you to remain in my life... if nothing more then a friend... because in some aspects I will always need you... I will never be able to give you up fully and this is something else I have come to terms with... the two of us are really one and always will be even if we go our separate roads in life... no matter what we will always be right together... we will always be made for each other... we will always be best friends, always be able to talk to each other about any and every thing... we will always fit together perfectly, we will always know and understand each other to the measures that noone else can possibly understand... we are something amazing something unique... we are something that time, distance, and life will never change... we are perfect, we are forever, we are what together we will never be apart with anyone else... we are in ever sense of the word soul mates, friends, lovers, and the perfect couple... this is something we will both have to accept... we will never feel about another the way we feel about each other or be the way we are together with anyone else.... it is impossible and we should not even try... this is another thing I have realized... I will never be who and what I am with you... I will never feel for anyone the way I feel for you and noone will ever be as perfect for me as you... and I am sorry to say you won't either... I am your muse... just like you are mine and without each other things in our lives will never measure up but we can still live...

that is the most beautiful and truest paragraph I have read since AIT:)


The big difference and I have failed to see that is that I unlike you will always have a peice of you with me... I will always have a reminder of how wonderful we are and what we in love have created... the most perfect and greatest thing imaginable... our son... I will watch him grow and see you in him every single day and I will always have you in my life... because he is so much like you even though he has not spent a lot of time with you... the things he does and the things he says and his silliness is all you... the back of his head... his cute little smile... when he hugs me and tells me I am the best mommy in the world and he loves me... You are there with me... He is undeniably the best of us and what our love can do... he is our miricule... The only thing that could make it better is if you could be here with me watching it too... No matter what happens with us Daniel you need to keep him in your life... he is awesome Daniel... he is the meaning of us and our love... he is beautiful and wonderful and amazing... smart and funny and damn cute... Daniel I am very honoured and very glad that you choose me to have a baby with... I am glad we have him and glad we decided to have him... I know it is bad to say but none of my kids have been created out of love... except Tyler... he is truley special in my eyes though he does not feel that way sometimes because Jalen needs so much of my attention and is at that clingy I love mommy stage... he is a good boy too though and I love them all but they all do not hold the meaning that Tyler holds to me... I suppose because he is made of us... I do love all my kids though and you know that just Tyler is special he was made from us and from our perfect love...
I have so many things to say but this letter is huge as it is... so I guess I should send it out and work on another one later so that you can read this one and respond to it...
Daniel what is it that you want... I love you and I always will and I want for you what will make you happy... what Daniel will make you happy? What do you want in your life? What do you want in a wife? Can you deal with how your life is or do you need more from the person you love? Tell me what you need and want and that is all I ask... Tell me your choice....

As Always and Forever Yours,

Missy

Well, I have alot to think about. I don't think I can just jump with my gut like I've been prone to doing, as this is serious, life-changing stuff. But I do love you, you know that, and I value this letter more than anything. I am so glad to have affected this kind of happiness on your part, this kind of change. I would love to read the rest of things you want to say, so please send me more as i contemplate what I really need in life. I am always with you, as you are with me.
Peace and Love,
Daniel


Okay in this one he replied to one of my emails so I am going to go in and bold everything he replied to me because you are not going to be able to tell from this like you can in the email... I mean please... I mean that email is not exactly "not knowing where I am coming from" material... I mean I think he darn well knew where I was coming from because he was coming from there too... and to go from that to something like this in like a few days??? hold on here is the killer...
From : Amor Et Mort
Sent : Wednesday, January 11, 2006 12:46 PM
To : [email protected]
Subject : so tired...
Missy-
okay, so here's what has happened to me in the last few days. I got woke up two nights ago by Brenda asking me why you are texting me saying that I am on your mind and to look on your diary. She even tried to find it by going online and using my credit card to sign up for a Diaryland account. So I was up late that night trying to calm her down. Then last night she comes in and wakes me up again hollering because she went on my personal laptop, found your site, and read that last post, and god knows how much else. Anyways, I was up late again trying to explain how we had been talking and what that last email I sent you had said. I figured you would move stuff like that to your private side, but I guess you haven't gotten around to that. Or maybe you expected it to happen sooner or later:) Anyways, there has been nothing but drama and heartache, and a bit of anger, in the Ihnen household for the last two days, as if we weren't having enough troubles. And I have done alot of soul searching and discussion. What I was telling you about being numb has extended into all aspects of my life but work, I guess. I have lost the empathy that I valued so much, I think. I am so tired...I have no capacity for drama, and that is propelling me further on my downward spiral. I feel like the worst person for anybody right now.
So here is my intent, interpreted from your post and my last email: try. try to see me as a stepping stone to loving the right man, you know? I now know that we had something really special, but we can't keep holding on to that when it hurts everyone else so much. And we probably won't be that way with anyone else again. Granted, me and Brenda are having some serious issues, but even though I think she deserves better than me, I don't want to bring her world down, too. And you have Randy, who I didn't know you knew before me. He's probably loved you from that moment on, and was just waiting for an opening. And he loves you so much that he still stays with you even when you are pining for another man. That is definately more than I could do, I'm sorry to say. I don't want you to hate me, I don't think I could handle that, and I think it's important that we remain in each other's lives. But we cannot keep going like this, it will just end up hurting you more. And I told you, you deserve more than that. And I think you realize that more than you say, you just want to hold onto the past. And you could have that feeling again, if you just let yourself go. And I think you should try.
Because I am not afraid anymore. I am so tired of fear and anxiety. I have gone through too much right now. I know what has to be done for the good of everyone involved, and that is closure. I think we can do that, honestly. I think we can accept that there will always be a connection between us, but that it's unhealthy for you to pursue. I honestly, truly, value you as a friend, and you have always understood and been a great listener, and I want to keep that. But this "emotional affair" can't continue. I admit, I didn't see anything wrong with it as long as it wasn't hurting other people, but it has been wrong from the get-go. I realize it hurts, but think of it like a band-aid on hair:) The quicker you tear it off, the less time it will hurt. I understand that at the current rate, I will end up alone in a nursing home somewhere, and I realize when you read this, there will be tears, and possibly anger. But I honestly think it is the healthy, smart thing to do. So please see past the veil of tears and be that understanding woman you have always been.
Please write me back and let me know what you are going through, and I will always do my best to be here for you. And I know you'll probably post in your journal, but could you send me an email first? I'd kind of like a head's up:)
Peace and Love,
Daniel

and then to this next one...
From : Amor Et Mort
Sent : Thursday, January 26, 2006 10:59 PM
To : [email protected]
Subject : Romeo and Juliette and other tragedies
Missy-
So I was going to lunch today and Brenda said she had read your webpage and asked if I had. I said no, and she said she would bring it up later. So we went to counseling, and she brought out this huge, vicious, spiteful, hateful letter. I saw it in many ways, least of which was a calling out. So consider me called out. I must address this unbridled, dramatic lashing.
I feel first that I should apologize for what I've done. I have led you on, maintained an emotional affair for far too long, and held onto memories that should have been left that way. I hurt you and kept on hurting you, and for that I apologize. I have no excuse, but I have a few ideas.
The truth of the matter is this: I DO love Brenda, and I AM trying to make things better. I do not feel the same way about you. We are not the same, you and I. Not anymore. I think you felt it when I came to visit Tyler. You are not the woman I knew six years ago, and I am definately not the same man. We had a great friendship for so long, and I don't want to lose it, if not solely for our son's sake. But this has got to stop, honestly. You even scared me a little bit with that post, it sounded rather obsessed. I have minced words to not hurt people alot, but I want to mince no words here: I do not feel the same. I have moved on, and I am moving into the future. I want you to do the same. Put this age-old longing behind you and embrace your family, your husband, and the future. Despite the lashings I have taken, I still think you are a great person, and you have the potential to move on to such better things. Like your grandpa said, you just get distracted.
I am more than a little mad that you brought Tyler into this rant. I know I am a terrible father, but I hoped to be better than the ones before me. I really do love that little guy and I want to be in his life and be a father. But I still feel awkward calling for him during these trying times. That doesn't mean you should say he was unwanted and such.
I am a selfish ass, I guess. I agree, I have been inconsiderate of anyone but me, and it is changing. I am doing what I can to be a better person, and right now that is asking for you to let go. Please, hate me if it helps, but please don't hold onto that hate. I need our son in my life.
I assure you, there will be no crawling back. In our best interests, I HAVE moved on. I loved you long ago, and nostalgia is a powerful weapon, but we will not happen again. We truly had something amazing, so you should never question how Tyler was conceived. But the operative word is "had". Past tense, and no longer.
Brenda gave me a book to read called "The Five Love Languages", and it outlines alot of great stuff. One of the languages is Affirmation, which I believe is my language. You always affirmed me, so I think maybe that may be part of why I led you on. Maybe it was a horrible attempt to hurt you like you hurt me. Maybe I was reluctant to let go because we have a son. Maybe I haven't thought of more reasons, but the fact remains. Either way, I think you should read the book. It will really help you out.
I have lied, and I have made promises that will never come true (oh so long ago). But I am not a player, and I am not a dog. This is to make it better. This is to help you move on and become a whole, realized person. This I tell you on Five Points and December 16th. On tamales in the kitchen and crying in a cab. This is me, raw and sincere.
Be at Peace,
Daniel

Gosh, I feel like such a fool... He has been lying to us both for so long but then I have to wonder how long this has been going on... I wonder when they really got together... He goes from loving me forever to pretty much not loving me and hasn't for a long time... that his trip down here was the best thing that has happen to him in a long time to him not feeling the same though he said he did... so what is going on here really... he is telling her one thing and telling me another and then got caught and figured it better to hurt me then her.... or he has been playing me all of these years... and hurting me and he cant say not on purpose I mean come on he knows he was lying to one of us... but which one? Who does he really love? Maybe just himself and niether of us... I so feel like see deserves to see these... what do you all think...? Honestly if you were her would you want to see these and know for yourself what has happened? I do want him to be happy but I do not think that I should hurt her and I am apart of this hurting her and I am not the kind of person who likes to hurt anyone that is why I have been honest with Randy from the beginning... So what do you all think? What should I do? PLease help me...

Thanks
~Velvet Tearz~
Okay I needed to as for advice and gets this out before bed but now it is time for bed :D Nighterz... and please don't hate me for this... I was just as much a victum just as much as she was...

1 thoughts left so far

My mood right now...To much Drama.... sigh

What I am listening too or watching at the moment...Nothing right now...