2006-01-29 - 10:43 p.m.
So, Peeps... I got another email from Brenda Daniel's Wife... I am going to post it here:
well so much for thinking that i would finally get to know what exactly what was going on here...that maybe i would get so piece of mind and be able to make my own decision based on all the evidence whether i could move on from here or not, but its fine. i real glad that you and dan can finally move on and with your lives now and that you guys eyes have been opened and now you both realized how shitty and selfish you guys were to the people that loved you (me and randy). and im really glad that now you guys can now put your connection on the backburner and that dan now can just concentrate on being a husband to person who i thought that he really loved her. i knew something was wrong..different but he would just say he was tired, busy with work or whatever. i thought it was me i told myself over and over again that it was me. i was too fat, not happy enough, not take charge enough that that was why we were having problems it was me. but no come to find out that once again it was you. i have battled you from the beginning trying to mend his broken heart and show that you werent the only one that could love him with heart and soul and when he came back from seeing tyler that first time, it seemed he had gotten closure over you, but come to find out 3 1/2 years later no!!! he's still with you still in love with you, and is only with me for my well being. well that was a blow out of nowhere i thought the issue with you was resolved and it wasnt and it was kept a secret from me not discussed with me at all. i cant tell you how much of an idiot i feel. how so stupid and gulliable i feel to trust him. he is my first and only and he made me feel safe with him and now this happens i just feel so stupid and lost. its easy for randy to love you still cause he knew everything from the start. he knew what kind of person you are and what you are capable doing and he made a choice to love you anyway cause he knew. i dont know and i dont think that i will ever be able to trust or heal over this till i know what exactly happened, what exactly was said/done. im in a really bad place and feel like a crazy person but i cant help it. i dont care if it rips my heart in two i need to know. i just really need to know. ok . so please if you would help get to place where everyone else in involved in this is. help me to start on the road to healing. it will help ok. i know it will.
please reply
brenda
It makes me want so badly to tell her the truth but all I could do is cry in Randy's arms and ask his advice... so I suppose I am going to text Daniel and let him know that he has 24 hours to tell her or I will send her email... maybe it will get him to tell her... he really should... atleast I am not faced with hurting Randy because he already knows it all... whew thank goodness I do have a little bit of morals somewhere inside me... if not I would be trapped like Daniel is... and I am glad I am not... I am glad I can atleast say I have never lied... yes I might have hurt Randy but he knew every moment and it is better to know and make up your own mind then it is to be lied to and believe something that is not true and put the blame on yourself (kinda like Brenda has all these years...) I guess my telling Brenda lays on one thing really... and well I am almost believing that I am going to end up telling her... because I think that he has been lying to me from the start... and if I am right then I will freaking tell it all... seriously... all of it... and I am waiting for the answer to a very important question that I asked Brenda... and with that answer if it is what I think it is then I am going to be honest with her... so he better hope for his sake that the answer is not what I think it is...
anyways as far as right now I am not going to send her any emails... at all.. until I know the truth... and just how deep his betrail goes... though she deserves the truth... well I guess I am off to text Daniel and let him know he has 24 hours to come clean and see what happens... maybe I wont need to do a darn thing maybe I will scare him into telling her himself because as if now I have to be a good mother and protect my son and that means I can not tell her, but that is as of now...
I just really think he should be honest with her but who am I kidding he was never honest with me so why would he be honest with her? But I hope that he is... for both of our sakes... and that he is ready to come clean and just start over... because nothing is more certain then the fact that he has lost me... I know this... he lied to me from the moment he got to Hawaii... because I really believe he moved on way before I did... I think he lied to me from the beginning... honestly after what was said in that emal from Brenda it lead me to believe that he has been seeing her for a long time before he told me he was... it never did seem right that he met her and married her in 4 months when he would not even marry me when he wanted a child with me and to marry me (or so he said)... yeah right... I knew it never added up to me... but I made excuses for him like I always have... this time there is no reason to mae excuses... there is no reason for me to protect him because we are done and I dont care if it is by his choice or not... I am DONE with his lies.. and hurtfullness, and the way he has treated me like I am nothing... so I guess we will see how this unfolds I really hope it is he who is man enough to come clean... and that our son will not be hurt in the process but I have a feeling that the outcome is not going to be so great for Tyler and he will lose his father forever...
I am going to head to bed because Brenda and him are not goingt o email me back tonight most likely an d I have school in the morning and it is almost midnight.. so time to sleep and deal with the drama tomorrow...
Night night peeps...
~Velvet Tearz~
What I am listening too or watching at the moment...Highwayman by Willie Nelson