2006-01-09 - 1:45 a.m.
Hey peeps it is like almost 2 am and I need to head to bed... once again I spent my whole day playing this this neopet :D I think I need to get a life but darn it is so fun :D
Anyways, I have school tomorrow it is the first day and I am sure I am going to have a hard time waking up as I have to be awake in 4 hours lol...
I read some very interesting diaries this afternoon... yes, I did stop playing with my neopet to check out my notes and comments and read a few diaries... I have added them to my favs list :D Go check them out :D
I think I am going to go to bed watching Titanic once again since I have it on movies on demand for HBO... Man I love my cable company :) Now, I wish I could figure out how to get the money to turn my cellphone back on :( Man, I really need that thing but with x-mas I had to cut it off and now I can't seem to get the money to get it turned back on :( Man that really sucks too :( Two things I hate to live without... my laptop and my cellphone and I am maybe going to have to go without both of em cause I am missing a key on the laptop and I think I am going to have to go and get it fixed so a week or two without the laptop :( Man, I hope that in not the case I am hoping they can just take it in the back and hook it up... I might take it in tomorrow cause this not having a down button is killing me when I try to play my neopet games... You try to get a high score while your keys are all jacked up lol ...
Ooooo that reminds me... last night Daniel was talking about creating a neopet as well... which would be totally awesome :D I need friends on my neopet friends list and noone wants to be my friend :( Oh and guess what I gained a level today which it totally awesome :D So I am not longer a level 1 which it kewl for only being on there 4 days... does that tell you how many hours a day I am logged onto that site... though I did fail a challenge today from a fairy because I just did not have enough money :( Maybe I should just take a week or two to start building up my money stash... I made a small store but who knows how that is going to do to be honest :( I don't really have a whole lot of kewl things to put in my shop...
Someone told me I can make 10,000 a day on games but today I made over 20,000 on games alone but of course I spent it all on that stupid ice fairie challenge that I failed cause I ran out of time... but I have some stuff worth some money :) I have something worth like 16,000 but I am not sure I am ready to sell that just yet :D Anyways as you can tell I am becoming a neopet freak... lol... If you wanna check it out go to http://www.neopets.com and join up it is free... and then please add me to you neopets friends list :D It is in you email link once you get signed up :D
Anyways... I know I am avioding some issues that really need to be talked about and I need to add some pics in a entry about the x-mas holidays and Daniel visiting Tyler... There are some really good ones in there... i will get to it I promise... I think I am just trying to be shallow and selfish... lol... sound familuar Daniel? I guess you are not the only one who has become selfish :D I myself am quite selfish unless I am with you... and something I have been thinking about a lot... maybe you seem to be more selfish because you are not happy and not in love like you should be with Brenda (Brenda is his wife, but he was mine first, man it is such a long story but I suppose I should tell it sooner or later and I will)... anyways... have you thought about that at all? Maybe you are selfish and totally career minded because you have nothing but your career to think about... you don't worry about your marriage because you are not happy in it and you don't love her like you should... how can you when you still love me with every inch of your being? I mean have you thought maybe you are being so superfical because it is you excuse to get out of the relationship? Can you honestly say that you would give me up for your career? Do you think I would not support you every step of the way? I mean you need to look at everything from ever aspect... Think about what you would and would not do if we were together... You say you feel your empathy slipping... I don't believe you what so ever... you can say what you want but I know that you are running... I know you are only saying it because you are scared... you are scared of being with me again and losing me again... I know you could not handle it because I could not handle it... Yes, this is a huge decission and one maybe I should think more about as well... I mean I don't have a horrible life as it is right now... It could be better if I would let you go, but I am not sure how... you have been the love of my life as ling as I can remember... even before I knew you... remember the song... I loved you before I even knew you... I forget the title but it is by Savage Garden...
And yes Randy is a hero, he is a wonderful man and today I began to realize that he knows me so much better then I thougt he did... which totally amazed me... cause we were sitting here and I was thinking man a ciggie would be awesome right now... and the next thing I know he was handing me the ciggies... and then I thougt... hmmm I need a drink of something and he was handing me a coke... and I was like dang how are you doing that and he said that he knows me better then I think... he has that connection with me, but I don't have that connection with him... all the man ever wants is sex... that is all I ever pick up on anyways... which is sad I wish I could pick up on the other things but i just can't... he is such a sex addict, or so that is how I see him... which is bad because I can not seem to see past that and I know there is so much more to a relationship....
Crazy... I know I love him but I feel so differently about him then I do Daniel... one is a deeper love one that is just the thing dreams are made of... one is the love in a fairytale when the knight on a white steed comes up and rescues you and you live happily ever after... and one is a love that has grown over time out of respect for the things that have been given that mean so much to a women... one love is deep and earth shattering and everlasting and one love it that of respect and admiration... They are so different...
Anyways now it is almost 2:30 am and I need to get to sleep I have to get up in 3 1/2 hours... LoL...
If you read this could you possible tell me what you think? I mean who would you prefer to be with? Your soulmate or the person who loves you more then anything even though you can not return a love as great as what is given? Do you follow your heart or your head?
Nighterz Peeps!!! Sorry if I am rambling a bit in this posting but well hey it is 230 am and I am so tired I can hardly stand it and I am starting classes tomorrow and I am not even ready :( LoL...
Hugz
~Velvet Tearz~
What I am listening too or watching at the moment...Nothing.... I really need to add some music to this diary :D